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Prayers from a Heavy Heart


posted by Susan Dominikovich on , ,

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"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you." James 1:2-5

I have a heavy heart.  It could be physiological.  Maybe I am low in iron again.  I am certainly getting a cold and my eyes are weepy from that alone.  Perhaps my weepy eyes are telling my heart, "you are sad," even if I am not.  Perhaps I should not sit through sad movies or watch inspirational documentaries from the grave that stay with me for days and maybe then I wouldn't feel this way.

But I am sad. 

I have a heavy heart because there is heaviness all around me.

As Christians we have been blessed with what we call "spiritual gifts."  For some it is preaching, for some it is encouraging, for some, it is acts of service and so on.  I have discernment.  It is supposed to be one of those gifts.  I am supposed to thank Jesus for this gift.  It allows me to see beyond what is there, to see behind the masks, to see the spiritual battle raging around us.  

I see so much that I do not want to see.

There are times I have cried out to Jesus, "Please!  Take this gift from me!  I don't want to see anymore!"  

I have a heavy heart.

My heart weeps as well as my eyes and I know the tears are not for myself.  I've had my time of weeping for myself and now I am thankful for it.  That time has made me stronger, more resilient, more wise.  That time has taught me to cling to Jesus and to pray.

I have a heavy heart.  And all I can do is pray.  Fast and pray.

So I pray now.

I pray for my friends fighting darkness everywhere they turn.

I pray for my friends fighting cancer.

I pray for my mom whose body has let her down almost all her life.

I pray for my friends that are moving house, leaving behind a treasure trove of memories, not to mention the stress under which they find themselves.

I pray for my friends that have been hurt.  

I pray for the children I teach.

I pray for someone I know who is doing the right thing and may be persecuted because of it.

I pray for my community that is in the midst of a huge spiritual battle.

I pray for the friends and the innocents caught in the cross-fire of that battle.

I pray for friends who need courage to make decisions right now.

I pray for God's continued protection for my family.

I pray for God's sovereignty in all of this.

I pray for wisdom for myself.

I pray for wisdom to know what to do with what I discern. 

I pray for Jesus to return.  Soon. 

But in the meantime, I pray.

Because I have a heavy heart for a reason.  God is telling me that I discern things for a reason.

That reason is to pray.

And to believe.


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