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My Fires of Sorrow


posted by Susan Dominikovich on , , , ,

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"Right now I am storm-tossed.  And what am I going to say?  'Father, get me out of this'?  No, this is why I came in the first place.  I'll say, 'Father, put your glory on display.'"  John 12:27-28

I have a heavy heart again.

I have been praying and fasting today.  Praying, fasting, writing, singing and playing the piano.  These are the things I have been called to do today.  My van wouldn't start this morning, just to make sure of it.

There is a tune that I play on the piano at the moment.  No matter what four chords or what song I am following, I end up going off on a little tangent which results in the same tune.  I am in a state of worship at the time...eyes shut...sometimes singing words to Jesus, sometimes not.  But this little tune will never be published and will never be played or sung in a church during worship.  It's a sad tune.  I play discordant notes.  It is not uplifting, energising, or comforting.  It is sad.  It reflects my heavy heart and it sings of the sorrow there.  

Not sorrow for myself.  

There is no sorrow for me.  There is sorrow for a little girl in Canada who is struggling to breathe her last breaths right now as I type.  There is sorrow for her family who are so strong and so faithful and so amazing and yet I know their hearts are breaking.  There is sorrow also for those close by who are struggling and weak and oppressed.  There is sorrow for my friends who are going into battle because it just shouldn't be this way.  And yet it is this way and so ultimately, there is sorrow for "this present darkness" which has brought us all to this point.

It is no coincidence that I wrote that post yesterday about the cosmic battle and now I am called to pray and fast.  There is an army rising up and some of that army is going into battle very soon.  Their fight is not "against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places." (Ephesians 6:12)   My prayers cover them in protection.  My prayers uphold them.  My prayers urge the spirit of truth to speak through them.  My prayers ache and yearn and cry out for the blind to see.  For the blind to have the courage to see.  My prayers are also thankful that someone who was previously watching the battle from behind the wall is willing to now step out and enter the fray. I pray especially for him, that God will give him strength, courage, boldness, grace, and wisdom.  Grace and wisdom he already has in abundance, which is why God has chosen him for this role.  Strength and courage to be bold with it.

And because God is God which means He knows all things and has designed all things...this is what He gave me this morning.  It is the reading for June 25 in Oswald Chambers' My Utmost for His Highest and is titled, "Receiving Yourself in the Fires of Sorrow:"

"As a saint of God, my attitude toward sorrow and difficulty should not be to ask that they be prevented, but to ask that God protect me so that I may remain what He created me to be, in spite of all my fires of sorrow.  Our Lord received Himself, accepting His position and realising His purpose, in the midst of the fire of sorrow.  He was saved not from the hour, but out of the hour.

"We say that there ought to be no sorrow, but there is sorrow, and we have to accept and receive ourselves in its fires.  If we try to evade sorrow, refusing to deal with it, we are foolish.  Sorrow is one of the biggest facts in life, and there is no use in saying it should not be.  Sin, sorrow, and suffering are, and it is not for us to say that God has made a mistake in allowing them.

"Sorrow removes a great deal of a person's shallowness, but it does not always make that person better..."  (Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest, Christian Art Publishers, 1993)

I am glad that I feel sorrow in my heart knowing that it makes me less shallow.  Knowing also that it ignites a fire in me. I am glad that I feel hunger in my stomach.  The physical sensation of hunger reminds me that I have no right to feel comfortable.   Discomfort makes me pray urgently and fervently and that is what I have been doing.

And so I pray.  I pray for a miracle in the battle that rages on today.  I pray for this present darkness to be infused with the Light.  I pray for the spirit of oppression that is binding all of us to be obliterated.  

Father, put your glory on display!  Do it today!  Break every chain, in Jesus name!

I also pray for a miracle for my little friend in Canada.  I pray for a miracle.

Because it's never too late for a miracle.

In Jesus name!

Because there is power in Jesus name.



Amen.




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